Understanding the Inner Critic
Many people who come to therapy describe a harsh inner voice that seems to follow them everywhere. It comments on their choices, questions their worth and points out what they should have done differently. For some, it feels relentless. For others, it is quieter but always present, shaping how they see themselves.
In Internal Family Systems therapy, we call this voice the inner critic. Rather than seeing it as something to eliminate or fight against, IFS invites us to understand it with curiosity and compassion.
What Is the Inner Critic?
The inner critic is a part of us that learned its role early in life. Its language may sound judgmental, demanding or shaming, but beneath that tone is usually a protective intention. This part believes that by pushing you harder, keeping you in line, or pointing out your flaws, it can help you avoid pain, rejection or failure.
For example, an inner critic might say:
You are not doing enough.
Do not mess this up.
You should be better than this.
While painful to live with, this part is often working tirelessly in the background, convinced it is keeping you safe.
Where Does the Inner Critic Come From?
For many people, the inner critic developed in response to early relationships or environments where love, approval or safety felt conditional.
Growing up with highly critical parents is a common example. Perhaps praise was rare, mistakes were highlighted, or expectations were impossibly high. As a child, you may have learned that being vigilant, self-correcting or hard on yourself was necessary to avoid criticism or disappointment.
Over time, that external voice can become internalized. The child adapts by taking on the role of the critic themselves, believing that if they stay one step ahead of criticism, they might prevent hurt or rejection.
This part often formed during moments when you had little power or choice. From an IFS perspective, it is not trying to harm you. It is trying to ensure your survival.
“This part believes that by pushing you harder, keeping you in line, or pointing out your flaws, it can help you avoid pain, rejection or failure.”
The Intention Behind the Criticism
One of the most transformative shifts in IFS work is recognizing that even our most painful parts have good intentions.
The inner critic may be trying to:
Prevent you from being judged or shamed
Push you toward success to earn safety or belonging
Keep you from taking risks that once felt dangerous
Maintain control in situations that once felt unpredictable
Its methods may no longer be helpful, but its purpose is rooted in protection. When we begin to see this, something softens.
Connecting With the Inner Critic Instead of Fighting It
Many people try to silence or overpower their inner critic. While understandable, this often intensifies the struggle. IFS invites a different approach: relationship.
In therapy, we gently help you notice the inner critic from a place of curiosity rather than overwhelm. This is where Self Energy becomes essential.
Self Energy is the calm, compassionate, grounded presence that exists within everyone. It is not something you have to create. It emerges naturally when parts feel safe enough to step back.
From Self energy, you might begin to ask:
What are you afraid would happen if you did not push me like this?
When did you first start doing this job?
What do you need from me right now?
Often, the inner critic has never been acknowledged for how hard it has worked. Simply being seen can begin to change its intensity.
How EMDR Can Support Healing
While IFS helps us build a relationship with the inner critic, EMDR supports the healing of the experiences that shaped it.
Many critical parts are linked to specific memories. These may include moments of shame, harsh discipline, emotional neglect, or feeling as though you were never quite good enough. These experiences can remain stored in the nervous system, continuing to influence how the inner critic operates today.
Through EMDR, these memories can be processed in a way that reduces their emotional charge. As the past becomes less activated, the inner critic often no longer needs to work as hard. Its tone may soften, or it may step back entirely.
When IFS and EMDR are used together, clients often experience both insight and nervous system healing, creating deeper and more lasting change.
Moving Toward Compassionate Self Leadership
Healing the inner critic does not mean getting rid of it. It means helping it trust that you, guided by your Self energy, are capable of leading your life now.
Over time, many people discover that the inner critic transforms. What once sounded harsh may become quieter, more supportive, or no longer needed in the same way.
If you recognize yourself in this description, if your inner world feels demanding, critical, or exhausting, therapy can offer a space where these parts are welcomed, understood, and supported with care.
You do not have to be at war with yourself to heal. Compassion can be the beginning.
If you are curious about exploring your inner world through IFS and EMDR, I invite you to reach out and learn more about working together.